i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
