And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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