It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
