As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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