just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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