Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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