final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
