pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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