i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
