I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
please come you make the beer taste better
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
