Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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