I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
be right there i have to get my cape
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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