I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
