i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
