You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
