Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
