he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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