dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I will pee on everything he values.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
