it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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