$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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