i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
