Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
