Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
