dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
