I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
