Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
