I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
