Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
