My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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