Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Send help, water and tortillas.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
