I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
