im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
