You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
