i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude. I can hear the air.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
