Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize