you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
