i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
