There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
