On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Did I show you my penis last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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