can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
