vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
