What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
