I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
