There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
