Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
