By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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