My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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