clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
