It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
pray to the hookup gods
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
