Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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