Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How external is "for external use only"?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
