mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
