I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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