The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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