in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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