just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
