I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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