1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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