You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
did i just pee glitter
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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