I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just had sex on a roof
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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