I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
third nipple confirmed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
