What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
